5 years

I am sitting here after putting the girls to bed early tonight, finishing some editing from a recent shoot and just thinking about tomorrow. I'm not  big on pondering too much on the 11th, I am glad that it did not fall on Mother's Day this year, that is no fun.
         Elise just had her birthday on the 26th of April, she would have been 5 years old. It was a good day, I received flowers from my in laws and was able to spend this year with my parents.
But, it's always hard, knowing that 14 days later I will be mourning the passing of my first born.

 My baby. 

       Throughout the year I think about Elise everyday, we talk about her to the girls, new friends that ask about how many kids we have and it's okay. Just on these two dates is it that hardest. I understand why, It doesn't bother me to be upset on these days. It's my child, of course I am going to be upset that she is not here with her family, not playing with her sisters, being put in time out. :)P I'm not sure what I am trying to say, I'll I know is that tomorrow is very much on my mind and I feel like I need to get it out! People always say it gets "easier", but, I think the person of that loss just learns to cope without that person.(To me is different than thinking about it being "easy" that she is not here) I know for me it's knowing that I am sealed to Elise, that I WILL see her again, I WILL hold her again. That is a huge thing for me. I'm not sure where I would be without that knowledge.
  I know she is with her Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ who I know are loving her the way I am not able to now. Her Great Nana who she had never met and who passed away last June is, I am sure gobbling her up along with her son who passed away as an infant. I love my faith, I am thankful to my parents for accepting the church so that I may have this knowledge, I love my family! I am so grateful to have such an amazing family and friends, the family I was born into and the family I am married into. So incredibly loving and supportive in everything. *sorry if my thoughts are scattered, and if my grammer sucks*

I love you Elise.

Quiet is a powerful thing. :) As I sit here with the girls asleep, TV off, silence. Only my sniffles and the AC, my thoughts are just pouring through me. Maybe this is a sign to start writing in my journal again...